Inner King Initiative

Why You Should Break Up With Your Friends ft Durell Douglas

• Adam J Wilson • Season 3 • Episode 6

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"Connect with us! Shoot a text to The Underdog Lounge.

Some men carry their father's rage. Douglas chose to put it down.

🎙️ IN THIS EPISODE:

Douglas is a serial entrepreneur, TEDx organizer, podcast host, and a man who walked away from a toxic father at 31 and never looked back. His journey from surviving childhood abuse to thriving as a business owner, community leader, and advocate for intentional living is a testament to the power of healing, accountability, and choosing your circle wisely.

đź’­ WE EXPLORE:

How growing up with an abusive father shaped Douglas's view of trust, relationships, and masculinity. Why he went no-contact with his dad in 2017 and hasn't looked back. The story behind his TEDx Talk "Why You Should Break Up With Your Friends" and how your circle determines your ceiling. The power of self-care, pedicures, Thai massages, and rest as radical acts for Black men. Why leaving Houston, building multiple income streams, and taking care of his mother became his definition of success. The difference between being busy and being intentional, and why the hustle culture narrative is a trap.

✊🏾 THE TAKEAWAY:

Healing isn't soft. It's the hardest work you'll ever do. And the men who do it become the ones who lead, love, and live with clarity. If you're still carrying someone else's pain, protecting someone else's legacy, or stuck in a circle that doesn't challenge you. it's time to make a change.

đź‘‘ Community Link:

Ready to go deeper? Join our free community: [Link]

5. Key Topics Discussed

• Childhood trauma and abusive father relationships

• Father wounds and going no-contact with toxic parents

• Breaking up with friends who keep you stuck

• Emotional intelligence and vulnerability for Black men

• Self-care as a non-negotiable practice (pedicures, massages, rest)

• Serial entrepreneurship and escaping the state job trap

• TEDx organizing and public speaking

• Why exposure (travel, new cities, new people) expands your mindset

• Curating mentors, business connections, and hobby circles

• Taking care of aging parents and reversing roles



Support the show

SPEAKER_03

Welcome to the Inner King Initiative Podcast, where we come to grow, let down an armor, just be us as black men and men in general, right? Um, and I want to thank you guys for being here because the the feedback that I'm getting is giving me a lot of inspiration. You know, I'm always that back end guy that you don't see, but this is pushing me to keep going and keep going. And today is no different. So before I get started, reminder like, share, subscribe, comment, um, send this to somebody, you know, just give feedback even more because it helps me to um better the show, it helps me to bring better guests on. And today is no different, like I said, right? So, how you doing today, Douglas?

SPEAKER_00

Because I do have a guest. Yeah, I'm good. I'm good. Yeah, thank you for having me. You as well. So tell them a little bit about yourself. A little bit about myself, born and raised here in Houston, Texas, but I've lived in Seattle, Detroit, Austin, Dallas. Um, just you know, more of a more of an extrovert, more of a like fly by the seat of my pants, more of a spontaneo spontaneity is king type of thing.

SPEAKER_03

And yeah, yeah. That's good. So who are you in your everyday life now today?

SPEAKER_00

In my everyday life. You expound on that a little bit. Like profession. What are your professionals? What is your passion? I'm a so professionally, I'm a serialpreneur. Okay. So I have a nonprofit organization called Houston Justice. Okay. Uh I have a license to do a TED event, so I put on TEDx third ward. But we're putting on our yeah, we're putting on our third uh event.

SPEAKER_03

I actually applied.

SPEAKER_00

You applied? You should have told me. You should have sent me a link. You should have sent me a thing. I wouldn't have, hey, it'll push you through. It's not too late. Okay, gotcha. I'll push you through. What's up? Congratulations, send me finalists. Um connections. Um, because we had like 700 and something people, so it, you know. Um, I have a a car rental fleet. Okay. I got seven cars on Turo. I have a for-profit um called the Outreach Collective, where I do coaching and uh speaker prep and community outreach. And then I do uh real estate investing uh through the Douglas Family Companies.

SPEAKER_03

Okay, that's a lot.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah. And I do a podcast on Wednesdays called Live from the Black House.

SPEAKER_03

I gotta come, yeah. I have to see some more. You gotta, yeah, you gotta sure. Um, you know, you accomplish these things and like being a part of TEDx, that's big, right? Yeah. So how did you get to that?

SPEAKER_00

So I wanted to, I've always wanted to write a book, and a lot of people tell me that I should write a book. And so I actually started, you get told, oh, I could tell. So I start with two coaches, one in Seattle, one in Houston. Okay, neither of them were black, and I think that's gotta be a piece. Like, I think the coach is really gonna get the or so I thought, but neither of those versions were like leading to be a book that I wanted to read.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_00

Um, and so then I did some research. One of my favorite authors is Malcolm Gladwell. Okay, and so he wrote like Outliers and David and Goliath and The Tipping Point. And so I looked at like how did he write his books? And come to find out, the same way comedians do like they do their, they test their jokes out at the little clubs before they get to the arenas, he tested outliers and I think David and Goliath with TEDx. Yeah, so he would go and give a talk and use it as like a focus group. So, like, oh, if they like this, then right and um That gave me a good idea. So then I was like, oh, I'll do yeah, right. So then I was like, I'll do a I'll do a TEDx. So then I ended up in somebody's sales funnel where they were once you blinking you're in one of those. Right. So then I do the the call or whatever, they're like, for$25,000, we'll help you get on a TED stage. And I'm like, there's gotta be another way.

SPEAKER_03

There has to be.

SPEAKER_00

And so uh then my due diligence, and next thing you know, I'm applying to facilitate an event to actually get a TEDx license. Um, on the seventh back and forth, I get it, and uh so TEDx their award allowed me to choose others to speak, but you can't speak on your own stage. Ah so I did that for the first round, and then I did my own TEDx. The title was Why You Should Break Up With Your Friends. Oh, watch it. Yeah, yeah. It just came out like last month. Um yeah, and so that's kind of how I ended up doing that, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

So why do you say we should break up with our friends?

SPEAKER_00

Because the people around you really do influence what you think, what you feel, what you do. If you hang around a bunch of losers, you're gonna be a loser, essentially. Yeah, and and I look at a lot of people around me who like they either got in a relationship. Have you ever seen anybody who got in a relationship and they unraveled?

SPEAKER_01

Yep.

SPEAKER_00

Like people were like on it, and then it's like, oh, he got with her, and now you know everything has changed. Everything has changed. But the same thing with friends, like I started realizing like when I started hanging around people that were like really intentional, that had like some of the same values, had some of the same interests, and really it was like moving to a different city, because then you get like a blank slate. Oh, yeah, because you don't get like, oh, we do this every Saturday, or we go to happy hour here every month. You know, you like, and so that's what kind of showed it them. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

I can see that because I left here too. Where'd you go? I went to Gremlin for about four years. Okay, and I moved to South Carolina for a year, and I lived in Atlanta for six years. Wow. So I was gone. Yeah, and even now I'm like, all right, I want to leave again. Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00

But then you come back and it's like some of the people they go, they still are exactly the same. Yep. It's like you'll go to your old neighborhood and be like, oh my god, they put an H E B right there. But this person over here is, you know, and maybe they're content with where they are, but it's just shocking sometimes when they shouldn't be content to be like, man, they you know, I don't know.

SPEAKER_03

They're like, especially where an area I grew up, it was like everybody's dating each other from high school, and some people are still living with their parents. Yeah, which area? Um, I ain't gonna put y'all out there.

SPEAKER_00

No, but I mean you can say which area, we don't know who they are. West side.

SPEAKER_03

West side, okay, west side, but um, it's it I seen it and I was just like, I'm so glad I left. Yeah. Because I didn't want to be stagnant. And I can tell, like, when you don't get out, you know, you're not getting exposed. So your mindset isn't growing. You're not getting these experiences. Staying here, I'd have been doing the same thing, like you said, turn up on the weekends, like partying all the time.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. When I moved to Seattle for the first time, I was invited to like, there's a difference between a hey, let's go turn out, turn up, and a, hey, let's do coffee. Those are two totally different conversations. And so I come back to Houston and like I'm reading books and I'm like stuff that I really enjoyed this whole time, but it wasn't on the menu before I left. Right. Because, you know, and and in fact, one of those stories ends up in uh my TED, my TEDx talk. I remember moving back here, laying across the bed on a Saturday, and getting a phone call from a from a person who used to be a friend saying, Hey, you know, come on out, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, no. They're like, Oh, you working? I'm like, no, I'm I'm chilling. Right. And some people, a lot of people think that your haters are like people who are explicitly like, oh, I don't like this, but sometimes your haters can be someone who appears to be a friend that's keeping you away from your goals, keeping you away from your breakthroughs. Oh, yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_03

And I I that's good though, because and I always say when you start to do the hobbies and the things that you want to do, you find your people. Absolutely. Because there's always somebody who's interested in what you're interested in. And so you have to be willing to um meet people and actually be ready for conversations because I know a lot of us we don't want to talk, right? And COVID kind of did a number on people when it came to like social. I I was in the house for a long time, but I was like, okay, I can't be here no more. This is getting depressing. Um, but I want to go back to who were you as a kid?

SPEAKER_00

Oh, as a kid, I grew up in a household with an abusive father.

SPEAKER_03

What side of town?

SPEAKER_00

Um, we were all over. So we were in like fifth ward, then we moved to South Park, where my mom was like the apartment manager at uh Chris My Village, all right, which 5638 Selinski, if you know, you know. And then we moved um to the southwest. Okay, and it was like, oh, like the shock. Yeah, it was like their water is a little colder, you know. It was in the 90s, like now it's all the same. But and and from there, then we moved further west to like highway six. Uh, and then I moved out. But yeah, my dad was kind of in and out of life. Um, most kids are afraid of the boogeyman. I was afraid of him.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

Um, and that really has shaped that relationship right there, has shaped a lot of you know my life and the way that I see things.

SPEAKER_03

And and I can agree to that because when you as kids, we get a lot of our foundation from our interaction with our parents. And so as a kid, like you're you're getting abused, and and so there's somebody that may be abusing their child now, or there could be like a young kid who might watch this and getting abused. How did you get through that? Like, how did you navigate that?

SPEAKER_00

I think as a child, because I was mostly like my after going through therapy, one of the first like activities that they had me to do was to like draw my household, like you know, my household and then my parents' households. And what I was able to think about was the fact that like my father was one of like, I don't know, six or seven. He went through a lot. So looking back at it, as a man that's 39 now, I understand that he was pulling from what he knew. Right, you know, he was beaten, you know. I mean, we would he would, you know, there were times where he threatened to like, you know, he would get mad and be like, uh, I'll drive off the bridge and kill all of us. And he would actually veer into the the um shoulder, you know. He would, I mean, the first time that we actually fought, I was defending my mother. She, I mean, he he would, you know, argue with her all the time, and you would hear furniture or lamps being thrown, or this or that. So I had to be about maybe 11 or 12 the first time that I like was like, I'm not gonna hear this muffled in my bedroom. I'm gonna actually go and and like I don't know what I'm gonna do.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_00

But I knew I was smaller than him, but it was like, I'm gonna do what I gotta do. So I went and I stood in there and and uh you know he looks over and he's like, Well, what are you gonna do? And uh I just remember saying, I know what I'm not gonna do is is wait over there and just let you do whatever you're doing in here. And uh I just remember him coming over, and there's a different well, there's really not a difference between a whipping, it's all abuse. Like, if you have to use this to get your words across, that that's not it. But it got so bad, I remember like almost blacking out, being choked at 12.

SPEAKER_03

That's wrong.

SPEAKER_00

And I remember my mom calling the calling 911, the cops showing up, him being taken away in cuffs at 12. So traumatic, like traumatic, yeah. And like that's just kind of what it was like, you know, growing up, like yeah. Wow.

SPEAKER_03

What about your relationship with your mom?

SPEAKER_00

My relationship with my mom is really good. So my mom, um she was the constant, you know, dad was kind of in and out, and she would always like come and say, like, oh, it's okay, this and that, blah, blah, blah. But looking back, it shouldn't have been let this thing happen and then let me soothe you. It should have been let me get you out of this completely. Let us get us out of this um completely. She finally did. Um you know, they were they I think we she left like after that when the cops came and this and that. Um, and he was taken to jail. Uh interesting point about that. Two days later, when he was let out, it was us who went back to get him. And I'm in the back seat. Like, why? Yeah. And he turned around to me and he said, You better not. Can I cuss on here? Sure. No, I won't. We'll keep it, we'll keep it clean. Yeah, we'll keep it classy. He said, You better not ask me for another MF thing.

SPEAKER_03

Sugar honey iced tea.

SPEAKER_00

There you go. And uh, and I just I took that as a challenge. I was like, Oh like I just won't give him that power to um yeah, to have have that much of a presence in your life.

SPEAKER_03

So do you talk to him today?

SPEAKER_00

No, we've been no contact since 2017.

SPEAKER_03

You know, I I um I can accept that because not really accept it, but um I feel like at some point, like even parents, you might have to cut them off. Um, but you even said something earlier about your dad that a lot of us miss when it comes to our parents. He was pulling from something for that he knew, he was pulling from what he knew. Um, and I seen it for myself as a father. Like when my kids were first born, I was pulling from what I knew, but it wasn't until it went a little too far and I was like, oh no, like this ain't right. Um, and and so how did that that whole thing like affect you as a kid? Like how well growing up, like how did you see it in your life more?

SPEAKER_00

You mean like how did that change the way that I saw things? Yeah, so when it comes, I so I have a wall up. Okay. Um growing up in that type of situation, you have very little trust of others. Right. So I'm a really friendly person, but you only think you're in there's actually an invisible wall that I keep up uh because you can't really trust people when you've been hurt by someone who was supposed to be someone protecting you, especially your first superhero as a as a little boy.

SPEAKER_03

Dad is definitely um He was never that for me.

SPEAKER_00

He was never, he was never the superhero. I remember being like two or three, and I now know what was going on. But my mom would take me out to the couch because dad was coming over and he would bring Whataburger and Oh, Whataburger bait. Right, right. Whataburger, it's 11 p.m. You know, oh we you go sleep out here, and I'm like, oh, like now I'm 39, I'm like, oh, that's what was going on. Right. But it would always be, you know, an hour, two hours later, they're arguing, they're fighting, he's leaving, he's getting put out. So I never saw, right? I never, and we never hugged. We never, my dad never told me he loved me. My dad never, now he would do these very surface level, like, oh, you did good type of things, but that's not depth. Right. And then I also found that, and I think it is, so I don't know if it's just a man thing or it's a black man thing, but like the show of emotion was like never really there. Well, we were taught not to show our emotions, we were taught not to show our emotions.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, because even um a lot of stuff you just said I resonated with because I it was a while I couldn't even say I love you to my kids. Yeah, wow, because I didn't know how to do it. And it took, we were in New Orleans one year and we were at the pool. My brother was drunk, and he was like talking to some people. He said, Man, he said, We grew up in a household where we didn't even say I love you. And when he said that, I stopped and I was like, huh? And my wife asked me, she's like, Is that true? And I was like, Yeah, now I think about it, yeah. Yeah, and she's like, That's why you don't really say it that often. And she's like, I know you love us, but you don't say it. Right. And it took for me to be like forcing myself to say I have to get comfortable with this because I can't keep the going in. Right. Um, my parents never really said I loved you. I barely heard I'm proud of you until I became an adult. Like now I'm hearing it. Now it's like, oh, you got this, you know, the encouragement. So it's refreshing to get it now. You know, it's essential as a kid, but it's definitely, I always say, God will give you back the time that you missed. Yes, for sure. Um, and so how are you, how did you go about healing outside of therapy? Um or even how are you doing it to this day?

SPEAKER_00

I'll say, you know, one of the things that I had to realize, you cannot change other people. You cannot change someone. Um, and so what I had to understand was, you know, because this was a cycle, like he would act a fool and then get put out, and then blah, blah, blah, and then he's back. Right. Then he would, you know, we have a few months of peace, and then it's just like so. What I had to realize was, and when I actually went no contact, the story behind that, um, let's see. I was definitely gonna ask. Oh, yeah, yeah. The story behind that. So we were planning a family event. I'll just say that because I'm trying to like, because I know there's some listen, I'm gonna get back to it, but the I'm working on a book now, and I told my mom about it, and she's like, Am I gonna be embarrassed? And I told her, and I meant this. I said, This is not this is not your book, this is my book, right? And I'm not gonna write it in a way to make sure that you're not embarrassed. I'm gonna write my book, right? And your story because my story.

SPEAKER_03

So, hey, uh, it happened. That's because I'm writing a book too, and when I first started my book, I had that same like, I don't want to embarrass my people. It's like I don't want to share these things, but after a while, I'm like, I gotta just share it.

SPEAKER_00

But yeah, because it's like I'm not protecting the abuser.

SPEAKER_03

Right.

SPEAKER_00

I'm not so I'll go ahead and say it. So my brother was graduating college, okay, and we were planning his graduation party. So my dad remarried, he married remarried a woman with my mom's same name. It's crazy. Well, their names are Cheryl. Um, and so we were meeting, it was gonna be me, mom, dad, and his wife to look at the venue in the building that I live in to like make plans. So they show up, we're all looking, and my mom is making suggestions, like, oh, we could do this. And my dad in front of his wife is like, no, you're not paying anything. You don't get to, you don't get a say. Me and the relevant, and I'm just like, that just that dynamic. It told me a lot about her, his wife, that he felt so free to do that in front of her. It also told me that he's probably doing this to her, too. Probably so, and you know, so I step in and I'm like, dad, like my half is her, like this is mom, right? Right. So big argument, they leave. And this is where the real problem comes in. My mom tells me that my dad told my brother, you have to choose whether you want to do their party or my party, right? And I'm just like, what father would do that, right? So I write it on Facebook. I'm like, like, that was my Facebook page, is is a public-facing journal.

SPEAKER_01

That's not true.

SPEAKER_00

I write a lot, yeah, yeah. It's like a lot of people think I'm preaching. I'm like, no, I'm talking to myself. Right. I'm just sharing it with you. And so my dad, that's his kryptonite because he's Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde. So everyone sees him as this sweet being, and I'm like shining a light on his who he really is. This he really is. You put on Facebook? I said, It's the truth. Right. And my father, who, and I will not fault him for this, but I was just I'll let's just say if we play Big Bank, Little Bank, wouldn't be no competition. But he goes on to tell me, this is why you ain't gonna never be S in life. You ain't gonna never be and I just thought to myself, wow, this is the same thing that he said to 11-year-old me. But at the time I was 31, and I remember telling him, I'm standing on the 19th floor of my condo, looking out over Houston. And you like what father would say that, even if even if I wouldn't S. Right, right? But I went on to just I had a release and I just let him have it.

SPEAKER_03

Sometimes you have to.

SPEAKER_00

I let him have it, and we haven't talked since.

SPEAKER_03

So, how freeing did that feel for you?

SPEAKER_00

Oh my god. It was up to that point, we were mostly no contact, but my mom every year, did you call your dad for his birthday? And I found that so fascinating because I'm like, hey, I stood up for you. And you're still and you're still like even interacting with this guy. Right. Um, and it has given me some resentment towards my mom, towards my brother, who still he told my mom, and this was last year, okay, he told my mom that if if she weren't the mother of his children, that he would kill her and bury her in the front yard. That is insane. It's insane. So I don't understand how that's not enough to say right.

SPEAKER_03

Some people are, I think I don't want to bash women, but I think there's there's a lot of women I'm seeing or I'd known who sat in a situation that they should have left. Yeah, but it was all because like, oh, I know he can do better, or I love him.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I can change him.

SPEAKER_03

I can change him. Yeah, and sometimes it's even like, oh, that's the father of my kids. Yeah, and that's yeah, that's attachment is real.

SPEAKER_00

Do you know what's wild? So in this very room, because we did a podcast one day and and and I had the audience, it was like my mom and a couple other people to ask questions. And her question to me was, how did I feel about the divorce? Or like when we left, like going back to that moment, I was thrilled. But I find it fascinating that she thought that was even a thing. Like he's a be he went to jail, right? You know, she thought his punishment was served, right? But also, like she thought that I don't know, like, why would I want to stay in that? You know, like what would have been the the point? But yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Really, that whole thing is a testament to like fathers. Yes. Um, you have to you have to. Lead by example. Yes. Like your kids, they don't care what you say. Exactly. It's more so what they see and how they're how they're acting. I mean how you're acting. Um, and even with my kids, like I remember just like telling them, telling them stuff, and they'd be like, mm-hmm, okay. Yeah. But it wasn't until I started doing it. Right. And so if you're in your house arguing with your significant other, they see it.

SPEAKER_00

Throwing stuff, knocking stuff over.

SPEAKER_03

Like I was seven, I seen my mom throw them old, like thick uh home phones at my dad, hit them right in the head, right? So he had to get stitches. So I I watched that happen. And I'm like, I don't want to be that parent. Yeah. Um, even with my wife, she's uh she's seen her parents arguing. So we came up, we was like, no, we're not arguing. Like, not like that anyway. Like, let's converse, but that's not argue.

SPEAKER_00

And that's why to this day, like, I do not argue. I do not argue with people because most of the time you'll never get the other person to see what with the way you see it. And then number two, like, you're usually wasting your time. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

I think arguments are too angry people just talking to each other, just talking to each other. But nobody's listening to each other.

SPEAKER_00

And nobody's listening. And so I've just found it easier to just take note. Like, I will say this about my father, it made it easier to make that same decision. So if you look at the arc of me choosing this person who gave me life, if I can walk away from that and say, I can I have to love you from a distance because it's not your fault that you're toxic, right? But you're toxic.

SPEAKER_03

I can say it's your fault because it's your responsibility to heal it.

SPEAKER_00

Right.

SPEAKER_03

Isn't that we're not responsible for what happened to us, but you're responsible for healing yourself.

SPEAKER_00

And so I'm just like, oh my, and my life has been thrilled. All the things that I listed when you asked, like, oh, like, what are some of these things? It's because of, you know, sometimes our disadvantages can lead to like this toxic resilience almost. Right. Um, and I would attribute a lot of it to that too. Okay.

SPEAKER_03

So what because you talked about a lot of that, a lot of release, and you you mentioned books a lot. Yes. What are some of your top books that you would recommend for anybody?

SPEAKER_00

Ooh, okay. So we're gonna go the Napoleon Hill route and we're gonna say Think and Grow Rich. Okay. That's a good one for sure. Yeah. Robert Green 48 Laws of Power.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, my wife is reading that one right now.

SPEAKER_00

Robert Green uh Art of Seduction. Um, I'm gonna say Robert Kiyosaki uh Rich Dad, Poor Dad. I'm gonna say James Clear Atomic Habits.

SPEAKER_03

That one changed a lot for me.

SPEAKER_00

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_03

I was like walking around my house. I said, That's why I can do this. Right. I used I was watching my dad. Um, we're gonna go back to the books, but I watched my dad like eat sugar all the time. He had a sugar addiction. Um, and so I developed it because that's what I watched him doing. And so after I read that book, I was like, I do make juice accessible. That's why my water is in plain sight, and I'll grab it quickly, but it's just like the little changes, little things that it highlights about you, you're gonna be able to do it.

SPEAKER_00

And it makes a big difference, yeah. I'll even say like the scar scarcity mindset. Like, I've taken some big bets, I've taken some very calculated risks that have paid off, but that's like a muscle. The more you use that muscle, the more that you strengthen it. And then also I found that I don't look at it like, oh, I went to this restaurant, you better eat all the food on your plate. That's what we're taught. You need to eat all the food on your plate, and it's like you can't get another meal, like right, and it's not to say that you should be wasteful, but not to look at things like that. Like, no, if I want some more uh chicken, I will come back and I'll do it. Uh, I will invest financially or otherwise in myself and others because like what you put out, the energy you put out will come back. Absolutely so it's like if you're uh if you're a tool or if you're a conduit for like God's work, right? Like sometimes you're supposed to spend$2,000 at that thing, not only for your own self-development, but also because like that's the flow. It's supposed to go there, and it'll come back to you. It will. But how many times do you think you'll get financial blessings if you're hoarding and afraid to invest or spend else?

SPEAKER_03

Man, sometimes you have to go even when it's your last, even when it's your last.

SPEAKER_00

You have to, because there's something about like spending your last that just sit when you're at the roulette table and you say put it all on black, and you look the dealer confidently in the eye. There's something that commands the ball to land. Commands the room.

SPEAKER_03

It's power in the tongue. You have to, you know, have like the faith to really just dive into it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean my wife a couple years ago, actually, um, actually that two years ago, we drove here to Atlanta from here to Atlanta with$400 in our pockets. Oh literally$400. Burn the ships. Burn it. Didn't know how we were going to get there all the way. We we knew, okay, let's make it to New Orleans so we can go to your mom's and we can figure it out from there. And her mom ended up like, okay, here's the money. Yeah. I'm like, okay, look at that. Keep going. We got to Atlanta. My mom was like, here's some money for a hotel room. I'm like, wow, okay. And then I get to the thing and we're just like talking like this, normal conversations. I'm like, man, this is my first conference. I've never been to a conference before, and I'm having the time of my life. And I said, This is a faith trip for me. And people were like, huh? And I was like, Yeah, I said we looked at$400. Like, yeah, but I'm I'm happy I did it. When I tell you by the end of that first day, I had enough money to eat the whole weekend. There you go. And I said, That's crazy.

SPEAKER_00

This TEDx thing that started as an idea is now a six-figure venture on its own. See, on its own. You know, a lot of people don't know that, but but it is. But no, that is that is I will so whenever I try to think through should I do this or not, I say there's the Cadillac Escalade plan and there's the Hyundai Launcher plan. Okay. So the Cadillac Escalade plan is like, if all goes well, this is what it'll look like. The Hyundai Launcher plan is everything went wrong.

SPEAKER_03

Tobacco plan.

SPEAKER_00

If I can deal with that, meaning, yeah, it costs 10,000 and blah, blah, blah, blah. If I can lose that and still be like, okay, then I know I'm gonna fall somewhere between the two and I'll be all right. Because it'll be man. And it's like the more that you do those things, every move to Detroit, to Seattle, to start at the prison. Me and my mom were co-workers. We started the prison at the same time. I wasn't so I'm in high school, 1.7 GPA. Okay, where are you grade in high school at? Westbury High School. Okay. But I went to law enforcement for three years. I got expelled my 11th grade year. They were like, do not pass go, do not collect$200, go to where you are zoned. And um, my mom was on unemployment. And so when you're on unemployment, you only there's so many weeks. So we got some letter that was basically like y'all about to run out. Like there's X amount of state and X amount of federal, and you're about to happen. So I knew I couldn't go off to University of Texas. Or first of all, they wouldn't accept me. But even Prairie View or TSU, it's like who's going to who's going to if I need$50 for a book or a hundred dollars, like I need to continue to produce revenue, right? Uh, not only for myself, but I'm helping with the light bill, I'm helping with whatever. And my my dad at the time, like when we left, when we left that apartment and we moved, my dad kept all the furniture, all the dishes. We had nothing. Oh wow. Yeah, like that is a monster, right? And I just remember thinking, like he still to this day has all my trophies, all my um certificate books and all that with his new wife, yeah. And then yeah, he just kept all that. Just there. Just just there.

SPEAKER_03

But um, so you essentially had to become um the man at a house early.

SPEAKER_00

Right, early. So, like a lot of the decisions that I make today at 39 are because I've had a a long a shorter learning curve because I was helping look for apartments at 13 and 14 calling. Do y'all have any two-bedroom, one baths available? Is this special still going on? Right. Does the$99 move in apply to da-da-da-da-da? You know, like can y'all can y'all keep that? Because our lease is up in June. Can that up get we're in March? Can can that special apply then? Like, you're learning all that stuff when you're 12 and 13. So by the time you're in your 30s, you've been doing all this life stuff longer than my period.

SPEAKER_03

That's what I was like, it could be a blessing and a curse. Oh, it's a curse for real, too. Yeah, I definitely saw because you had you didn't get to experience childhood. You had to be older. But on the flip side, the good part of it is you're like, you got the experience.

SPEAKER_00

So now I'm living my childhood now. So now you're a child with money. Well, let me tell you, I'm a child with money. Like yesterday, so full disclosure, when we were talking about doing this podcast today, for some reason I thought it was gonna be Wednesday. So I put it on my calendar as Wednesday. Okay. So when I went back through my notes and I saw that it was Thursday, I was like, oh, it's tomorrow. I got some time. I went and got a pedicure and a Thai machage in the middle of the day, just unplanned. And it's like that's the whimsy that I kind of didn't have that I'm now like living. Okay.

SPEAKER_03

Well, let's talk about that because you just like okay, I have time. Self-care is the first thing you're into. So, how is self-care important to your life and where do you start?

SPEAKER_00

Self-care. Um, I have a journal. Okay. So I said that uh Facebook and social media is kind of like my public-facing journal. Like, I love to go back and look at memories to see like what I was thinking. One year, five years. Sometimes I'm like, okay, let's delete this one from eight years. Like, what is this one from eight years? Yeah, no, man, yeah. Um, I love uh meditation. I love starting to love that a lot more. Oh my gosh. 4 30 in the morning, I'll be outside with my dogs.

SPEAKER_03

My dogs be running around. I just be like, exactly. Yes.

SPEAKER_00

Naps in the middle of the day.

SPEAKER_03

I can't take a nap for some reason. Oh, figure out why, but it's hard for me to take a nap.

SPEAKER_00

I think it's my ADHD. So like I will hyper focus and just 100 miles an hour, and it'll be 2 p.m. And I'll be like, cancel the rest of my day, reschedule some of this stuff, and I'll go home and take a nap.

SPEAKER_03

But you have to when you have to feel like it. Like, and I think a lot of us we don't listen to our bodies. That's what we're talking about earlier, like the hustle culture. Yeah, we gotta keep going, keep going. No, listen to your body.

SPEAKER_00

And now at 39, I'm finally getting to the point because I did a lot of this, I just became a uh serial entrepreneur probably within the past five years. Before that, I had to work for other orgs, other people. So it was like, if I have to do all of this, if I have to sit through this meeting again and listen to all of this, and I'm like, they know that it's an open book test. That they continue to fail. Sometimes that's annoying. It's like the money ain't even the thing. Keep your money because this is frustrating to sit here and watch y'all do this wrong. So sometimes that's God telling you, take note, because when it's yours, you'll know you'll at least know that much. You'll at least know that much. Um, and sometimes, because there are some things, even with parents, where I'm like, oh, well, now in my 30s, I'm like, okay, and they had a point.

SPEAKER_01

Yep.

SPEAKER_00

Mom had a point, auntie had a point, uncle had a point. I get it now, because you only see things from your perspective. Um, so when you get there, it's like, oh, here's why you don't do that. Um I travel every month exposure. Uh I travel every month. So like I have like a concert in another city um every month. Like Tankin' the Bangas. You ever heard of them? No. Okay, that's homework. I got you. Homework. Tankin' the Bangus for y'all. Uh uh saw um Lion King on Broadway. How was that? In January. Oh my gosh, it was overstaking. I cried. Like the opening scene, the circle of life. It was just so and I don't know what that is. Like, you're the mental health professional or healing expert. Like, it was just like the colors, the dance, the music. I was just overwhelmed and just kind of like, wow. I'm over here, like, oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_03

Because colors evoke emotions.

SPEAKER_00

Really?

SPEAKER_03

Music evoke emotions. Um, and art. It's all art.

SPEAKER_00

And it was just like a like a three-punch like color and dance and sound.

SPEAKER_03

But that's what we were talking about earlier. We talked about the band versus watching on TV or watching on YouTube.

SPEAKER_00

Well, they didn't hear that part. They didn't. Oh, they didn't. Well, those people did. Yeah, those people did.

SPEAKER_03

But yeah, like earlier, because we were talking about remote podcasting versus in-person podcasting, and he gave a reference of being at a uh live band show or watching it on YouTube and the difference, the feeling of it. So that's really what you're experiencing in that room.

unknown

Wow.

SPEAKER_03

That's why I always want to see things live. Like you can listen to music, and that's why people like concerts. You can listen to music on Apple, Spotify, but it's not the same. It's not the same. You can't feel the energy in the room, you can't flow with it, just vibe and nine times out of ten. If you listen to music, you're doing your everyday thing.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. And isn't a laugh better when somebody else is laughing with you? A laugh, uh, something a funny, funny ha ha is better when your friend is also laughing too, like because y'all have to share the connection. Yeah, and you miss that through Zoom and through these digital, you know, and you you're 10 my I'm sorry, if I've ever been on a Zoom meeting, you're getting at maximum 65% of my attention.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Yeah. I said I was in tech for 10 years, and throughout the 10 years, I said the one thing I hated was being in a meeting every week. It was actually it was like three or four meetings every week, and every week we talked about the same thing. And I'm like, why are we here?

SPEAKER_00

And then you learn that like the rules are not as they appear. They're not. Like when you see a job at uh, you know, a job posting, and then they say here's how to apply, sometimes what you don't know is that job is reserved for Randy already. And Randy ain't even the best person on the thing, but knows somebody. And so now I've incorporated a lot of that relationships rule the nation. You know, uh like we were saying earlier, you were like, Oh, I applied. I'm like, Oh, that's a good idea. I didn't met you. Boop, yeah, right. Because who's gonna stop me? Who gets to tell me no, that's not fair. I just changed the rule. I just did.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, but most companies do it because, like, even with like the oh, you're a contract employee 80 hours a week, they still expect you to work outside of that. I had a I got into it with a project manager before because she sent me something and I was just like, I'll get to it tomorrow. Yeah, no, somebody else sent me something the next morning. She was like, Why haven't you done this? I was like, first of all, it's nine o'clock and I got that at 6 p.m. yesterday. I'm with my family. And then she went and told everybody, like, he doesn't want to do his work. I'm like, huh? Right. That doesn't make sense. And so it was like when I'm talking to men and I'm like, Well, you have these jobs, like I'm I don't knock you for having a job, but put yourself first. Yes, yes because you can fall over tomorrow and they will replace you just like that. Just like that.

SPEAKER_00

You know, working at the prison, I eventually I was a CEO and then I was a sergeant, and then I was a lieutenant. And one of my warden, Warden Moss Barger, he said two, there were two different instances where I mean these are still, I remember to this day, and I use them uh guidance for light. The one of them was 10 words, the 10 words that made me say, okay, it's time to leave. I was young, I was like 22, 23, and I was making all these innovations. Like they still take count with a pencil on a yellow piece of paper with a 10 key by touch calculator. So all I did, I set up an Excel spreadsheet with some and some, you know, sort of add it up, and then I would still transfer it over, and count would clear like 20 minutes sooner. And you know, they didn't know about it. It's like, what is this? You be putting stuff in, you know, in the computer and blah blah blah. And it's like, no, this is like use the tools, you know. And so he has this meeting with me, and he's basically telling me, you know, keep your nose clean, you got a big future in this agency. And he says, 10 words changed my life. He said, This is not a place for innovation and fresh ideas.

SPEAKER_03

Time to go.

SPEAKER_00

Time to go and he meant it one way, but what I heard was it's time to go. Like he thought I would like fold in, but I heard run.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, because you have to look below behind the words coming out.

SPEAKER_00

I couldn't believe that he said it out loud. It was already inferred, and so from there, in most places it is, yeah. So I put in when I put in my two weeks, I quoted him. I quoted him, and um, but it was the right time at the right place. Uh, you know, Oprah says it when God speaks to you, at first it's a whisper and then it's audible, and before you know it, it's a brick upside the head. And that happened to my wife. Yeah. I ended up quitting, but before I quit, I went to explain it to my mom, who was also working at the prison, but she was still a CO at a different unit at that time. And so my mom has always been the person that I felt I had to convince. And whether she agreed or not, I was still, but if she, if anybody can convince me, she could convince me. Right. Um, now there are a few more people added to that list. I understand the importance of mentors. Um, you know, she was like, You and give her a state job with benefits. It's always the state. It's the state job of benefits, yeah. The steady It's good benefits, yeah. By my own benefits, right? And but it's like, you know, I bought our car last year, and I was like, what about them state jobs and benefits? You know what I mean? I pay my mom's rent every month, you know what I mean? What about them state jobs or benefits? It's like, you know, you gotta you gotta stoop to conquer.

SPEAKER_03

So how is it being a um son who's taking care of his mom like this?

SPEAKER_00

It is one of the most joyful experiences, really. Uh, and especially to hear, like she explained it to somebody the other day, she was like, the roles really do reverse. You know, it's funny because my mom often operates from a point of scarcity.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_00

So last year she was complaining about her car needing a repair. Okay, she didn't know that I had bought a, I was planning to buy a car, but it had to be shipped here, and there was some other. So she's I'm telling her, you know, just chill, just use Uber, connect it to my Uber kind of give me a little minute. And uh she was like, no, because I have to blah blah blah blah blah. And so to actually like give her the car, and she didn't even believe it when they brought it around. She was like, stop lying. I'm like, no, mom, we've all this is all the ruse. Right. We're all, yeah, the bow and everything, it's to trick you. And uh yeah, she, you know, it it has been very uh, yeah, it's been really cool.

SPEAKER_03

That's good, man. Because I I've been talking to God about that for myself. It's like uh I think I'm at that phase where it's like my mom's getting older, yeah. And I'm the youngest, but it doesn't look like my brothers are really trying to put forward to it. So I'm like, all right, I'll be the one to do it. Yeah, and so hearing that is like, okay, maybe there's an experience there that God wants me to feel.

SPEAKER_00

And I'll say, so my mom was still working for the prison. So I left after five, she did the whole 20. So to hear her complain about you know her feet hurting and this and that, and then like she would work these overtime days overtime. And I'm like, You got two sons that are a member of the Fish Don't Fry in the Kitchen Club, right? Me and my brother, we doing all right, right, and you embarrassing us for people to law. See you doing all of this, you can't go to family function. Think we're not, you know.

SPEAKER_03

You are a representation of me, right?

SPEAKER_00

But not only that, I would ask her, like, okay, well, what are you gonna make? And she'd be like,$400. And be like, I will cash up you$400. Call them people, your time is more valuable. But I think going back to the scarcity mindset, our people have been told you better get that over time, you better work, work, work, work, work because that is your way to success. And it's like, no, that is not the game everybody else is playing.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, you gotta play the game differently than what society says. Yes, because even earlier when you said, like, I want to go get a pedicure. Yeah, how many guys saying that? Oh, yeah, listen. Not many.

SPEAKER_00

And the lady, and she put the clear coat. I usually get it buffed. She was starting to do the clear, and I started to stop her. I was like, go ahead. I did that before. I was like, she didn't ask, usually they asked. They're like, but she did everything else so well. And okay, so day before yesterday was election day, yeah, which was a uh mentally heavy day for me. Okay, like exhaust. How did you decompress that? With the time of the stuff. Tell me about it first. Okay, how did you decompress? So Jasmine Crocker was running for U.S. Senate. I held the fundraiser for her at my home like a few weeks ago. Um, where she came, we raised a lot of money. Uh, not what we wanted to raise, but we raised a lot of money. And a lot of my I used to do campaign work, I don't anymore. I'm no longer the person that will work for your campaign, but if I like you, I'll throw you a fundraiser. If I like you, I'll put in a good word with blah, blah, blah, like that. Use your condition. Yeah. And so, oh my gosh. It was an emotional roller coaster because number one, there are all of these dog whistles that are part of that race. So here you have this black woman who's running who is a member of Congress, right? Who before that was a state representative, who before that had her own law practice, who before that was a public defender. So, like, this is not Jenny from the block.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_00

Even though Jenny from the block also qualifies to run for Congress.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_00

And, you know, we see all of these Shenane references from black people.

SPEAKER_03

Right. We weird heart is on each other.

SPEAKER_00

Oh my god. And it it was that was really taxing on me. Um, there was also the person who she ran against, who allegedly called the Calvin Alred, who had that position before her, um, a mediocre black man. And it's like you don't get to say that. So there are all these you know nuances. The day itself, uh, my nun. Non-profit does non-partisan, like we're just getting people out to vote, type of stuff. And so it was just a mentally exhausting day. Um, at the end of it, you know how you make plans, like you say you want to do the thing before you actually think about like that wouldn't be a good idea.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_00

So I had told a small group of people, I'm like, we're gonna get a driver in a suburban and we're gonna hit up all of the election night parties.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

Why did they let me agree to do why did I let myself agree to do that? Right. Because now it's the end of the day, I'm exhausted, and now I have to go be on for a few more hours.

SPEAKER_03

You gotta put on the show.

SPEAKER_00

Oh my gosh. So by the time I made it home, I was so exhausted. I couldn't even sleep. You've ever been so tired you can't sleep.

SPEAKER_03

When you're so tired all day, you finally get to the bed and you're just like, why am I awake up?

SPEAKER_00

Because you're just thinking. You're just thinking. And so the next morning I wake up and it was like, oh my gosh. I'm not going to be myself in any of these meetings. Right. Any of these, like, you're gonna get the the pre-trial, the free trial version of Durell today. I'm using that one because listen, I'm here, right, and that's about it. I hope somebody's taking notes because you know, I'm just you have to just show up, just show up and don't be fully present. Yeah. And so it got to like I knew I and then I had agreed to do my to go with my mom to my brother's performance at 9 a.m.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

Who like the just the tri it was just too much, right? Right. Stacking on, stacking on stacking. Yeah. So when I was looking at our back and forth and so, oh, this is not on this, this is tomorrow. Immediately I was like, I know what I'm doing with this time.

SPEAKER_03

Taking care of yourself.

SPEAKER_00

I'm taking care of myself. I'm gonna be selfish, and that is what I needed. And the reason why I love time massages, one, just the act of being forced to be away from your phone, away from your laptop, away from somebody talking to you, that's it, away from whatever that, right. And then number two, they stretch you, they do a lot.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_00

I mean, it's great, and so at the end, it's like a control alt-delete. I highly recommend it. Um, and it's not that expensive, it pays for itself because the reason why if you use the high quality motor oil, your car will last a lot longer, kind of thing. And I'm and I want to get more. Yes. And I'm I'm getting more into like forcing the walking into my day. Like when I was in my 20s, I had a lot more free time. Now it's like you have to plan it the way you plan everything else.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, yeah. You have to have a like a good schedule. Yes. Um, like that. For me, if I don't do it in the morning, I know I'm not doing it. Like, it's not because by the time I really think about it again, I done do it so much that all I want to do is just rest. Absolutely. And it's important because a lot of us we're not thinking about resting, we're not thinking about pedicare, it's like you do what? Like a couple weeks ago, well, a month ago now, I was in the woods for like three to four days, and people were looking at me crazy. Like, are you all right? I'm just taking time to myself.

SPEAKER_00

But here's the thing a lot of people are on the hamster wheel. So anything outside of that looks crazy. And it's like, but if you really look at those who are successful, and I don't measure success by finance, the people who are most in tune with being the most them version of them are the people who are weird. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

People are weird. I don't know. I love being a weirdo. I actually, when I was uh in my coaching program, uh we did sessions, uh we had we were forced to do four sessions to a uh graduation requirement. And so on one of my sessions, everybody in the room we were talking about how we're all weirdos and we love being weirdos. Yeah, I was like, yeah, I said because we're at peace. Like we're not rat running in a rat race or on the Humpster Hill, like you just said. It's like we're like, no, I don't want to do that.

SPEAKER_00

But you know what's crazy? Going back to what we were talking about before, you're weirdos to the people who aren't your people. You're weirdos to the people who aren't your people. Like, once you like think about the person who uh LeBron James, or I'm not really a sports person, but just for all the reference. So imagine LeBron James 20 years ago being around people who didn't really know basketball. Right. They he would seem insane to them. They're like, man, this guy, he is oh, he just basketball, basketball, basketball. But it's like, no, hang around, and it doesn't have to be other players, it could be coaches, it could be extreme fans, but you have to find your people are out there who, when you're laying across the bed on a Saturday, will not think that it's weird that you're not at Sunday Fun Day. Right. Because they won't think it's weird, they understand, right?

SPEAKER_03

Especially out here in Houston, brunch.

SPEAKER_00

I've seen people gain some weight. Yeah, yeah, that's how I got it, trying to fit in, trying to fit in with all these approaches.

SPEAKER_03

I had grew up heavy when I first moved back. I moved back three years ago. Wow. And I I got heavy, and I and I I it took for me to detach from everybody before me just started peeling it off. Yeah, and now like even my mom, every time she sees me, it's like it's skinnier, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

No, I listen. I started GLP1 yesterday. Okay, I took my first injection yesterday. You know, hey, Oprah's doing it. Uh, what's her name? Uh Serena Williams is doing it. I was I didn't want the Ozympic face. I didn't want so one day in, I'm like, oh, like this, I get it. Because you could do this and it's just like a head start. Yeah, because I still have the energy and I still have the whatever, so we'll see.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, I think the only thing with that is you still have to maintain it at the end of the day.

SPEAKER_00

Well, but look at it like this. If you had high blood pressure, if you had high crush cholesterol, you would be on those medications consistently, right? Maybe not as much long term, but just to think about what we normalize, so if you go out and have you know, three drinks, nobody bats an eye.

SPEAKER_03

Nobody, right?

SPEAKER_00

But also right, but think also think about when I started with therapy and I was talking about it, I had people reaching out, I'm praying for you. Because we have made it, it's not demystified, right? So it's just like once I did my run, I was just like, okay, if Oprah, the Oprah, and she's when she broke it down and was like, I'm listening I got willpower. Look at this other stuff. This is a thing. If this is what I'm like, okay, boop.

SPEAKER_03

Let me tell you, I read it the other day, but LeBron Jane spends over a million dollars on self-care, self-development every year. Yeah, and I was like, you have to really just pour into yourself. That's really what it is.

SPEAKER_00

But also, like, I put into my I didn't drive here, right? I caught an Uber black hair. You know why? Because I understand that in order for me to be that derail, I can't be merging on 6'10 and doing all of this stuff and showing up at all fraternity. Right. So I could show up here mind clear, focused on this. Right. And sometimes we look at it as oh, that's a waste. Like, no, that is that is a necessary part of dot dot dot.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, it's a step. It's a step to a positive attribute to what you're doing. And see, is like there's some things that I do like for a while. When I was going to conferences, my my mom was like, So you're just giving people your money? And I'm like, no, I'm gonna go learn. But now she's seeing it and she's like, Oh, okay, go ahead, keep going back.

SPEAKER_00

Right, but also, so like for the Ted thing, I also do like coach speaker coaching.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

So the first, and I'm at school, S-K-O-O-L, I don't know if you've ever heard of it, but I did a school boot camp and I charged$197 for five days one hour day.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

Over 50 people bought it.

SPEAKER_01

Really?

SPEAKER_00

I made$11,000. It's on my TikTok.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

Darrell K. Douglas, two L's, two R's on TikTok. Go look. And you'll see I broke it down. It was three parts how I made eleven thousand dollars in one week. I have one that's open now. I've doubled my price. It's$3.97 now. And it's three days instead of five.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

And it's like, so what I did with that$11,000, what I did with that$11,000, there was a Ted Nex thing coming up in a conference in Atlanta, and it was$2,800. And I would have never spent$2,800 on a conference. But I looked at it as like, this is I feel like I have to do this, right? So I go and then I realized when you're in a room with people who spent$2,800 to be who could spend$2,800 and who did spend$2,800, you talk about the conversations, the connections. I have made$20,000 easily. Right. No BS over the connections I made over the course of that weekend.

SPEAKER_03

That speaks to why isolation doesn't work. Right.

SPEAKER_00

You have, you have to going back to when I was younger, I looked at making friends. Like all of our first friends are like our cousins who we went to school with, the people in the neighborhood. Going back to the thing about where you got to break up with your friends, we're all driving a 15 passenger van. Okay. There are 14 other seats back there. There's your wife or your partner, whoever next to you. There's that front row, which are people who you really lean on, and then there's the other people. So what happens when you get to a stop and you need to let someone on, but all these are filled, all your seats are filled. So when my when one piece of advice I would give to my 20-year-old self or my, no matter what age you are, that's really focused on building, have your friends, the way we would normally describe it, or connections, as people that you like to hang with. Have good fun with them. You also need mentors. These are people who I respect this person. They are ahead of me in this, or they have the connections and they believe in me and it's reciprocal. Because the right mentors will do it for free. Because I just I want you to be successful, right? It gives them a little bit of it.

SPEAKER_03

They see it, they see it in you, or they may work it out to where like you don't have to worry about that. Right. You don't have to really talk to people though.

SPEAKER_00

And and then there's the other row of people that like we're friends because we make money together. You're someone who I could call and be like, hey, what did you see that property on some what now? What's the deal with them? Which contractors do you now? What you think about, or people that can make a phone call and make mountains move. You know, like you gotta have the listen. And then you do the same for them, you know, and then there's the friends that are part of your hobby group. Like, I really want to get into singing. Let me tell you, I put one AirPod in where I could hear myself, I could actually sing, but I'm like, I'm doing all this other professional development stuff, right? I'm I'm wanting to work out and do all this stuff more, but I also I play the trumpet in the saxophone.

SPEAKER_03

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

Is there a world where I also sing?

SPEAKER_03

Maybe. Maybe it maybe it's untapped skill. Yeah. But I see you guys just try to try things. Yeah. If you have an interest in it, try it. Like don't say it's their that's their stuff. Or I don't, we know we don't do that. It's like you just try something, you never know. Like my wife wants to go skydiving. No, I ain't that crazy. But yeah, you know, most people be like, You alright? Right, right. Suicidal a little bit. I'm like, I'm not doing it. Right.

SPEAKER_00

But I'm proud of you for want to do it, and I will support you and applaud and do all that from the ground.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, yes. Exactly. I made the joke. I said, because if something happens, at least one of us here for the kids. Exactly. She's like, nothing's gonna happen.

SPEAKER_00

I was like, I I know, but still, but some people, some people like, I don't do roller coasters either. I don't either. I think it's a control thing, it's probably related to my relationship with my dad from being growing up. Like, that could be a control thing. Like me trying to make all these false like connections, but yeah, I don't need like my fun is like other stuff, like even like gambling. Like, I've been to a casino three times, well, four times. I've never left with less than you know, I've never lost, but I I couldn't sleep at night knowing that I lost even a thousand dollars at a thing. I'd rather lose a thousand dollars on a venture that I thought would pan out that didn't because if it doesn't pan out, you made a lot of money.

SPEAKER_03

Exactly. And that's something that can pay you um on and on. But let's talk about the podcast a little bit. Yes, why did you start your podcast?

SPEAKER_00

So I really love the art of conversation, okay. And I was like, I want to do a podcast, and I didn't know what it was gonna look like, I didn't know anything about it. Uh I actually started in this very room, okay. Uh, and the people here are amazing. All right. Uh Brian Shout out to the Hive. Yeah, shout out to the Hive. It's black owned. I'm like, oh yeah, I'm in this. But I needed interaction, like I needed something. So then I started doing a live stream, and that's when it really ticked up because then it was like, oh, like I get I'm getting feedback from people, I'm getting comments, I'm getting whatever, and that made it easier. And then I told myself, okay, every Wednesday we're doing it, every and consistently, every Wednesday. I gotta look back and see how many episodes there have been, but I don't even advertise it. There is no marketing, there is no website. Um, there's a logo, it's called Live from the Black House. So I literally got somebody on Fiverr to like um invert the White House logo and change it to the Black House Houston.

SPEAKER_03

Oh okay. Yeah, okay. And that's smart though. So, what is the like the principle of your show, like the basis of it? What do you what do you talk about?

SPEAKER_00

The basis of it, it's a conversation with friends. Okay, I like that. Uh about it just so happened to be politics because this last year was a political year. This has been a political year. I kind of like work in that realm. So those were like my first guests, but I do want to branch out and I don't want it to be political. Like, I kind of feel typecast, like Alfonso Ribero, who played uh Carlton on Fresh Prince, he said he played that role so well he couldn't get any other jobs.

SPEAKER_03

I remember him saying that everybody saw him and saw Carlton, right?

SPEAKER_00

And so for me, everybody sees me and sees like activism and like you know, politics, and it's like, no, there's so much more to me. Like, I love this. I'm so I'm so full from this right here. Every time, yeah, yeah. Um, no, literally from this show, this moment right here. Um, and so yeah, that's kind of the premise. It's very loose, you know. What politicians or candidates, a lot of times they're like, send me talking points, what are the questions? It's like, then it's gonna be boring. It is every time on my podcast, when you've seen me cry laughing, that was a genuine response. A spontaneous, like, what? I had this one moment where one candidate was talking about the five husbands of her opponent, and this is like an older black woman. I'm like, what? Miss Sharon, what did you do say? And I'm like, whoa. Then the other one who didn't have four five, and there's like four, she wanted to be on the next one. So I was like, okay, seven o'clock, Wednesday, listen, do it. Y'all can go and see that, but but I just use the clips. I've never, and only because I haven't had the time myself, nor do I want to do it to like download it and put it on the SoundCloud, so it'll go to Apple Music, so I don't like that part of it. I just show up and do it.

SPEAKER_03

That's the easy part.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, and then put it in, I may put it in Opus clips, I may rewatch and like clip myself, which helps me like because it forces me to watch it and see which transitions did what. All right. How I asked that question that led to that thing, how I got this person to let their wall down. Because some of them be so I was like, no, yeah, just like it's good. You agreed to come over here, right?

SPEAKER_03

Exactly. I'm not gonna hurt you, you know, because at the end of the day, I'm trying to do accomplish my goal, right? And you being here, you know, is is a part of that. Yeah, but like what you said earlier about um you didn't have a website or nothing, logo, yeah, and it's that's an attestament because we always feel like we have to have all these things. When I first started, I needed a studio, I needed um a team, I need all these things, and like I told you earlier, I started on Zoom with a blank white wall behind me. This logo was not like this.

SPEAKER_00

I created this on Chat GPT, there you go. It's perfect, it's perfect because the key initiative, and you got the lion with the crown, it's perfect. Exactly. It's simple, right?

SPEAKER_03

And it's like now we have AI, you don't have to do it to not jump the chip and go.

SPEAKER_00

Exactly, exactly. And I'll say instead of using like a lot of people try to make money by getting monetized on YouTube, uh, I went a different route. Okay. I know that candidates and some people will pay$500 for 30 minutes because you're a natural conversationalist, a lot of other people are, but some people aren't. And they have no idea, they don't know where to start. So they'll give you$500. So then what I was doing, it's like the podcast studio cost me roughly a$125-ish an episode. Then it was like I include the cost of my Uber there and back. Okay, because that's also like I'm gonna show up in a towel. Yeah, you know what I mean? And then boom, so I'm clearing right$700 every Wednesday. That's$2,800 a month.

SPEAKER_03

We're about to talk.

SPEAKER_00

You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03

Um, but you know, in wrapping up, I just want to thank you for coming on. Absolutely. Um, for sure, it's been a great conversation. Like you said, I'm filled as well. Um, but I do want to ask you one last question. Um, of course, I want you to look at the camera and what is your message to the world?

SPEAKER_00

My message to the world is live your life. There's so many people who are on a hamster wheel, who are living the lives that their mother told them to live, that society has told them to live, they're working a job that the world has told them to live. Go and live your life. Take chances, be the you that you're supposed to be. Don't look to your left and your right. Look to yourself, right? For that guidance. Look up for that guidance, and then surround yourself with the people, places, and things that will make you the most perfect version of you that is possible. And then we all get out of here.

SPEAKER_03

Hey, that was that was good though, because we we have to hear that, uh, especially as black men. Yeah, we like you said, no emotions and nothing like that. But go get that pedicure. Exactly. Go get that massage every time. I got a travel massage uh masseuse who comes to my house. Yeah. Love her. Right. Exactly. But you know, thank you guys for tuning in. Uh, remember to like, share, subscribe. Um, this has been a great episode. Let me know what you got from this episode because there's always something you can learn, right? If you're really listening with intention to learn something. Um, but until next time, I'm out.